A few weeks ago, I had #TEAwithTara but @refreshwithekene the Iconic woman’s coach was the one spilling the wisdom ☕, I haven’t been able to find the right words to describe this experience. Ekene constructively put to words some of the daily challenges that I (and many other women) face but have no name or explanation for.

First of all, I did not know human beings had masculine and feminine energies, hence alpha male, beta female .. etc and a lack of balance between both sides could be harmful 🤔… Did you know?

Most women in our society (especially entrepreneurs) are always in their masculine energy. We don’t feel comfortable in our feminine, it’s unfamiliar, especially in our society where there’s a gender equality issue and you always feel you’ve got to protect yourself. Also, women who are by default in their female or are more comfortable in their feminine are oftentimes perceived to be “trading” on their feminine and you don’t want to be associated with that, so it makes it very difficult to be in that space, you feel as if you lose power if you lead with your feminine.

At some point it becomes exhausting it depletes you as a woman, you’re always tired and frustrated and you just don’t know why. The downside of leading in your masculine is you forget there so much power in your feminine like your body wisdom, your intuition and so on and you lose that vital connection.

Body wisdom-
Your body holds wisdom, data, trauma, it holds data and if you are not in touch with your body, you cannot receive information. Ever been around someone and when they leave, you just feel like you want to throw up or you just so uncomfortable your head hurts and Later you realize, the person was inauthentic or they were going to harm you in some way or their energy was just wrong.
Your body has already connected to a knowledge that your mind has not yet translated.




Use your Intuition, your gift of insight and gift of wisdom. Somethings feel so unusual but you don’t trust how you feel about it because there no data to support so we don’t follow up on it.

Intuitive intelligence is one of the highest forms of intelligence. Your subconscious mind at all times is taking in information because your mind filters information around you. When you connect with your intuition, your subconscious mind is extremely powerful. Ever driven home and not remembering how you got there? It’s a lot of data that has been collected and collated in your subconscious and you shouldn’t be fearful to trust it. It’s your feminine energy, they are not random thoughts.

There’s science to support that your subconscious mind takes in tons of data and your mind filters it without you knowing. When you release yourself, you connect to your subconscious.
Conscious processing is when you’re trying to figure something out but the subconscious just takes in the data the subconscious is extremely powerful and it works 100times faster and it has so much stored so you need to start leading with your feminine and trusting all that data because it’s not random. You can trust it!

Finding your balance
You don’t need to lose your masculine, you may not lead with it, but you need some balance. Most people who are all feminine hardly get things done, they just go with the flow without any structure.

You need your masculine to set boundaries, goals, and targets. Your masculine says “NO” when need be!

A lot of women leading with their masculine are attractive to more masculine men. Over time, in a relationship, masculine repels masculine and either he tries to dominate or suppress that energy, in order to get your feminine back but he doesn’t have proper language for it or he doesn’t see how he can connect to it. Must be a valid reason why someone once told me “you think I’m one of your tailors abi” 😀

Sadly, most of the time, when this happens, if you’re not knowledgeable about what’s going on, You naturally feel unsafe, you immediately go deeper into your masculine because you want to protect yourself and then things get worse and you break up (even in marriages)

You could even be leading with wounded masculine or wounded feminine without even knowing.

Wounded feminine behaviors could be:
Playing the victim
Trading on her feminism
Constantly negative and creating drama

Wounded masculine behaviors could be:
Aggression ( could this be why my body is always peppering me? I mean who won’t be aggressive after all the wahala of doing business in this fast-paced Lagos, from traffic issues to poor electricity to staff 😂😂😂… At this point, I almost said to Ekene, please lower your voice.. why are you shouting. Not only am I leading with masculine, I sometimes exhibit a wounded trait? 😟)

The difference between a lady leading with her feminine and one in her masculine is how they handle issues, how they respond, how they talk.

A lady in her feminine would say politely but firmly, “no, that’s not going to work for me”, they tell you no with a smile.

Lady leading with her masculine could be a bit more aggressive and say “how dare you?”
You know I’ve always admired those soft-spoken women who just handle life so gently but somehow… this is not just me 🤣
To be honest, you need both, it’s just when you lead with the feminine, you show up in a different way and I have a lot to learn.
It’s not 50/50 there’s no strict rule, it’s not a box. What’s important is you come clean with who you are and know how to create the balance and lead properly.
The more you know who you are, the more you can show up more authentically.

The first step is to deal with the pain… “WHY YOU ACT THE WAY YOU DO”
Your body collects data including trauma, it stored the things you go through and if you don’t deal with it, if you suppress, repress pain it and it creates core beliefs inside of us and we start acting out our pain and expressing wounded masculine or wounded feminine traits. Sometimes you just need to reflect and find ways to reconnect back, in some cases, you need to be honest with yourself and seek therapy and reconnect back to your sensuality. Sensuality is a celebration of who you are, self-appreciation, an expression of freedom.

Ekene went ahead to recommend exercises that help create balance and reconnect with your feminine. One of which was retreats. Thankfully, she has some packages via @refreshleadershipretreat (on Instagram) which I look forward to attending sooner than later.

She talked extensively about intentional PR/Packaging, breaking this down with a pharmaceutical theorem, prioritizing using the 10/10/10 strategy… I could go on and on and on about this experience and all the revelations but I’ll save some… 😆

Ekene Ajene Onu is very passionate about helping women get clarity and develop their confidence and consciousness to elevate. I’m super grateful to have met this woman and this mind-opening conversation will go along way. You too can connect with Ekene via Instagram @refreshwithEkene and enjoy some of her podcasts.

Special thanks to my mentor Mrs. Tara Fela Durotote @TaraDurotoye (on Instagram) for always sharing the gold with her mentees when she finds a good mine.

#inspiredbyTUBO #refreshwithEKENE #teawithTARA


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